on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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