any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
