You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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