dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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