so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
