We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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