what day is it and did you see me today?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
