If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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