she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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