i can't believe i had my finger in that
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
