Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
