In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
