she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
