i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
