yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize