my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
