i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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