She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
