The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
