I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
