Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you had me at cake vodka
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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