So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
