The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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