We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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