Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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