just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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