i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
