i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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