Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
