His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
