we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
