he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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