yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
