cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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