your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize