Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
