do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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