how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize