just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
