Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
