I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
