how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
