I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
