It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
