From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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