Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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