i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
