Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
