we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have demons in me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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