I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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