My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
