Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
