drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
