Me. At least after what I've been through.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
