Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
