either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
