Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
