fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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