So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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