And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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