I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
