So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
