You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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