My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
