I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize