when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
