the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
