Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
