she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
