I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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