Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
