# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize