Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
